Thus Bakes Zarathustra

One fact, actually: I used to work as a transcript typist. I can type like the clappers, and this has, for better or worse, proven to be one of my most valuable professional skills. It recently got me some dull but financially necessary work on a research project, and I decided today to do my transcript typing at home.

I’m fortunate enough to have an office on campus, and having a place that is not my living room to go in the morning has proved essential for my sanity, so working at home is kind of a rarity for me. Typing is curiously restful work. After a while you fall into a sort of keyboard hypnosis, thinking nothing, typing pages and pages without registering a single word. I was in such a ‘Zen and the Art of Archery’ state when several loud, urgent knocks on the front door snapped me back to the present day. I detangled myself from cat and headphones and went to the door. A skinny, betracksuited man was halfway down the front path when I opened the door. He froze.

‘Can I help you?’

‘Uhm, I was just wondering, uhm… where Nearby Localstreet is.’

I told him where Nearby Localstreet was - parallel to mine - and went back inside to lock the windows and secure my consumer electronics.

Then I made some lunch.

Nate’s dahl
Via noted media theorist Nathanial Tkacz. Serves 4-6.

• 2 tbsp butter or Nuttelex or whatever
• 5 cloves garlic, smashed
• An onion, chopped or, if you’re shaken up by an area meth user casing your house, halved and sliced
• 1 1/2 tsp turmeric
• 2 tsp garam masala
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
•  2 tins chopped tomatoes
• 1 cup yellow split peas
• 2 1/2 cups vege stock
• 1 regulation can coconut milk

Melt the butter or Nuttelex in your largest pan over medium heat, then add the onions and garlic and cook for 5-10 minutes until soft but still pale.  Stir in the spices and give them about a minute to warm up.  Stir in tomatoes, split peas, coconut milk and stock.  Bring to the boil, then reduce heat and simmer, covered, until split peas are properly cooked. Eat with rice, if you like.